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The Drunk Test

Are you sober?
Are you drunk?
Can you pass this test?

This is a test to help you find out if you have an alcohol problem. It will help you determine your level of intoxication. This test is CONFIDENTIAL. The results are not stored and we do not ask for your name! All you have to do is choose the best choice for each question, according to your point of view. Please answer as accurately as you can.

(Please note that this is JUST FOR FUN, that is, for amusement purposes only!!!)

Section I: Basic Questionnaire

1.) Are you male or female?
Male
Female
Can't tell because I'm so drunk

2.) How old are you?
Under 21
21-29
30-39
40-65
Over 65

3.) When was the first time you drank alcohol?
After College
College
High School
Middle School
Elementary School or earlier

4.) When was the last time?
Last month or before
Last week
During the last 24 hours
During the last 60 minutes
I'm drinking right now

5.) How long do you go between 'drinking times'?
A month or more
A week
A day
An hour
I prefer to avoid hangovers by staying drunk

6.) Which is your favorite beverage of choice?
Beer
Malt Beverage (i.e. Mike's Hard Lemonade)
Wine
Hard liquor
I can't tell the difference, they all taste the same

7.) How much do you usually drink in one sitting?
1-2 drinks
3-4 drinks
5-6 drinks
7-8 drinks
Lost count after 8

8.) Which of the following best characterizes your behavior while drinking?
Normal
Funny
Stupid
Violent
Stoned

9.) Have you ever done any drugs while drinking?
Never
Occasionally
Sometimes
Always
I cannot digest alcohol without THC in my system.

10.) Have you ever been confronted by the police for underage drinking?
Nope
Had my name taken down
Have been arrested
Have been in jail
Am typing from a computer in my prison cell

Section II: Agree or Disagree?

11.) "Beer before liquor, you'll get sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."
Agree
Disagree
What the hell are you talking about?

12.) Heavy drinking is okay if it is for religious purposes.
Agree
Disagree

13.) Heavy drinking is okay as long you don't hurt anyone.
Agree
Disagree

14.) It is acceptable to write tests for FunnyWebsite.com while under the influence.
Agree
Disagree

15.) The creator of this website and test is obviously under the influence.
Agree
Disagree

Section III: Random Stuff

16.) What is your favorite kind of beer?
Domestic beer (Bud, Miller, Coors, etc.)
Imported beer (Heineken, Dos Equis, Red Stripe, etc.)
Root beer
Non-alcoholic beer ("near beer")
Whatever gets me drunk as cheaply as possible

17.) If you were drinking wine, how many shots would it take you to get plastered? (A shotglass contains one and a half ounces of liquid)
10
20
30
40
50

18.) How many times a week do you drink?
None
One
Two to Five
Six to Ten
Sigma Delta Tau

19.) What is the best drinking game?
A**hole
Beer Pong
Pass-Out
Power Hour
Starcraft

20.) What is funniest site on the web?
nsync.com
hansonline.com
backstreetboys.com
funnywebsite.com
irs.gov

Section IV: Handling Situations

21.) Your best friend gets drunk and cannot drive home. You've had a few drinks, too, and therefore cannot drive safely. What do you do? (Either of you driving is NOT an option!)
Call a taxi
Walk home with him
Scratch your head
Phone a friend
Ask the audience

22.) You think you might have caught an STD while intoxicated and with a member of the opposite sex. Who do you call FIRST?
Your doctor
Your best friend
Your drunk lover
Your mom
Your dealer

23.) How do you handle people who are anti-alcohol?
Respect their views
Give them funny looks
Pressure them to drink
Cut them out of your life
Curse them to Hell

24.) Who's your daddy?
Sean Connery
Tom Cruise
Brad Pitt
Arnold Schwartzenegger
The guy in the picture on question #16

25.) Where do you get your drinks from?
I buy them
My significant other buys them
My friend buys them
My family buys them
I bum them from people



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