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The Drunk Test Are you sober? Are you drunk? Can you pass this test? This is a test to help you find out if you have an alcohol problem. It will help you determine your level of intoxication. This test is CONFIDENTIAL. The results are not stored and we do not ask for your name! All you have to do is choose the best choice for each question, according to your point of view. Please answer as accurately as you can. (Please note that this is JUST FOR FUN, that is, for amusement purposes only!!!) Section I: Basic Questionnaire 1.) Are you male or female? Male Female Can't tell because I'm so drunk 2.) How old are you? Under 21 21-29 30-39 40-65 Over 65 3.) When was the first time you drank alcohol? After College College High School Middle School Elementary School or earlier 4.) When was the last time? Last month or before Last week During the last 24 hours During the last 60 minutes I'm drinking right now 5.) How long do you go between 'drinking times'? A month or more A week A day An hour I prefer to avoid hangovers by staying drunk 6.) Which is your favorite beverage of choice? Beer Malt Beverage (i.e. Mike's Hard Lemonade) Wine Hard liquor I can't tell the difference, they all taste the same 7.) How much do you usually drink in one sitting? 1-2 drinks 3-4 drinks 5-6 drinks 7-8 drinks Lost count after 8 8.) Which of the following best characterizes your behavior while drinking? Normal Funny Stupid Violent Stoned 9.) Have you ever done any drugs while drinking? Never Occasionally Sometimes Always I cannot digest alcohol without THC in my system. 10.) Have you ever been confronted by the police for underage drinking? Nope Had my name taken down Have been arrested Have been in jail Am typing from a computer in my prison cell Section II: Agree or Disagree? 11.) "Beer before liquor, you'll get sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear." Agree Disagree What the hell are you talking about? 12.) Heavy drinking is okay if it is for religious purposes. Agree Disagree 13.) Heavy drinking is okay as long you don't hurt anyone. Agree Disagree 14.) It is acceptable to write tests for FunnyWebsite.com while under the influence. Agree Disagree 15.) The creator of this website and test is obviously under the influence. Agree Disagree Section III: Random Stuff 16.) What is your favorite kind of beer? Domestic beer (Bud, Miller, Coors, etc.) Imported beer (Heineken, Dos Equis, Red Stripe, etc.) Root beer Non-alcoholic beer ("near beer") Whatever gets me drunk as cheaply as possible 17.) If you were drinking wine, how many shots would it take you to get plastered? (A shotglass contains one and a half ounces of liquid) 10 20 30 40 50 18.) How many times a week do you drink? None One Two to Five Six to Ten Sigma Delta Tau 19.) What is the best drinking game? A**hole Beer Pong Pass-Out Power Hour Starcraft 20.) What is funniest site on the web? nsync.com hansonline.com backstreetboys.com funnywebsite.com irs.gov Section IV: Handling Situations 21.) Your best friend gets drunk and cannot drive home. You've had a few drinks, too, and therefore cannot drive safely. What do you do? (Either of you driving is NOT an option!) Call a taxi Walk home with him Scratch your head Phone a friend Ask the audience 22.) You think you might have caught an STD while intoxicated and with a member of the opposite sex. Who do you call FIRST? Your doctor Your best friend Your drunk lover Your mom Your dealer 23.) How do you handle people who are anti-alcohol? Respect their views Give them funny looks Pressure them to drink Cut them out of your life Curse them to Hell 24.) Who's your daddy? Sean Connery Tom Cruise Brad Pitt Arnold Schwartzenegger The guy in the picture on question #16 25.) Where do you get your drinks from? 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